S

MY MEMORIES

Sunday, February 20, 2011

TRUST is like a paper once its crumpled it cant be perfect again you can flatten the paper and try and make it as straight as you want, but it will never be perfect again. (From a friend)

Spread the paper out dap it with water, on the crumpled areas, leave it to dry, iron it, place it under your mattress for 3 days, in 3 days it will be flatten. Trust can be repaired if you give it another chance.

`i can never forget that light, of you emits

4:50 AM

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Thursday, October 21, 2010

I have decided to give up, to give up her.

Cause it felt that, she's trying to kept up with the both of us.

Why so stress?

if 1 of us stop it, probably it will be even better, easier.

or maybe i should say that probably i shouldn't have started it in the first place.

I'm just an extra fella that suddenly pops into the camera, and now it's time for this extra fella to be out of it.

I'm not important, just ignore me, I want to MIA from everyone, but can I?

I'm not too sure myself either.

`i can never forget that light, of you emits

10:33 PM

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Saturday, October 16, 2010

i hear my heart cracking again.

i really don't know what to do le.

i have no idea what you're doing too.

cause what you do is out of my expectation.

do you really..?

`i can never forget that light, of you emits

1:17 PM

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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Hey, i'm happy today.

because you reassured me, my heart is pieced up again.

But please don't break it again, it's still under construction, it's fragile.

i really love what we've done today, it really makes me feel so happy.

I finally had my chance, i have the chance to know that at least your heart still haves me.

That is why my confidence came back.

But everything is still in your hands.

My mood will be easily affected, especially with your actions, by intentionally or unintentionally.

They will come haunting me.

I still wanna thanks you, thank you for the chance you have given me :)

`i can never forget that light, of you emits

10:14 PM

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Sunday, October 10, 2010

今天不知为什么，我中觉得心里不安，打从下午就有这不安的心情，引向了我一整天。但是又是一种我说不清的感觉，我努力的，尽量说出来，却反复地说了说，答案都不和我心意。我不知道是不是因为你，是不是我真的不想失去你，但是有着预感，我是握不住你的。我也是，慢慢的，对爱情感到恐惧。我不敢再爱了，因为我失去了我所有的勇气，去再次的面对着，这些我无法解决的问题。我问了你，你爱我吗？是因为我需要的是安定，我需要你的承诺，让我对自己，再次有了信心。你却没回答，不管你是有意不回答，或是忘了回答，我的今夜，需要和思想一起睡了。我心里得不到答案，我的心灵就好像失去了它的光芒。就像一只鸟，它失去了翅膀，一棵树，失去了树根，一颗心，失去了灵。我无法真正的用字来形容我现在的感觉，只借用这来帮我簌簌心情。

i really don't know why, i'm feeling so insecure, so unsecured. it feels like everything is pushing me down on the weight. I'm worried that i'm gonna fall to the ground anytime now, i just couldn't get myself right. This is the first time, that my heart feels so heavy, so many things inside, that i could never use words to explain. is it because you're way too important that i can't lose you? You are the girl, that i have found, to be the most right in my life. You are just like my other half. A perfect piece that if i lost you, i would never ever find one again. i have too many ill experiences in my life. That forgetting them is way too hard. They just keep on building scars and scars on my heart, thou they will recover from the injury, but they will leave the scar there forever. These scars, when i saw them, i felt so scared. I don't want the same slash that cut me to cut me once again. If you say you're phobia of r/s, i think now i understand, because right now, I'm feeling damn scared, worried, afraid of everything. I just don't want to lose you. I need you. I'm feeling so uneasy, and i don't know how to cure. I don't want to sleep, because i know my thoughts will bring me to a terrifying place that i would never want to go. I want my path, to be once again, lit up with your lights, that i know, i'll never go wrong again.

`i can never forget that light, of you emits

3:53 AM

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Thursday, September 23, 2010

I want to give up, yet hopes keep on falling on me, and then it slips off. You make my mind wandered around every time. I really don't understand what you want. What you feel. You're too hard for me to understand. What do you really want me to do. Did you know my heart really very sick of all these injuries you giving me? I'm really tired. can i get some rest?

wo zhen de lei le, wo neng fang qi ma?

`i can never forget that light, of you emits

8:23 PM

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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

You really fucking hit me in the wrong spot now. Did you know how pain it is? How many times do you want me to fall that you would be happy. It's feel like hell inside me now. I really hate you, that you made me hate myself. Yea i'm just a spoilt brat, i'm just so lucky. Too lucky to be inside this family, where everyone's suffering except me. I'm enjoying. But why i don't feel it? Yea probably, i only have relationship problems. Why the hassle to bring them into my life? couldn't i just enjoy if it wasn't without them? so why did i even choose to like you? and how much do you really understand me? why do you want to act like you know everything of me? I had the best life? i'm good and kind person? what do you know? how long have you know me? how deep did you know me? you just say you know a person after looking only at the surface? if it was, why i feel that so little people understands me? and when you say you understand me just like that? what about my best friends who understands me? they don't understand me just because they look at me and know me just like that. It's because they was with me all the time i need help. yea probably my bro and big bro have suffered, and even my mum and dad who suffered even more. Maybe this world just work the way that the younger it is, the lesser suffer they get. Who knows, we don't even know why we are born in the first place. But who knows me? How are you so confident that you know me? what lifestyle have i led, in primary school? in secondary school? and how come i had such a big change after secondary school? and did you even know that i changed in the first place? hey, you know nothing. What am i thinking all the time? what you know? you think you could see through my skull and know what i'm thinking? i'm kind? so where am i kind? i'm just probably acting out. You just look everything in the surface. deep inside, you have not know me. Not to speak of me only, what about yourself? you can't even know what is your feeling inside, and yet you're telling people you understand them? try and understand yourself more, know where you stand. it's not easy to know everything in the world. Don't act a smart head there saying you understand people. Because you don't you're just guessing, assuming, or even lying. People changes, and no one is the same. The world works just like that. We all grow differently, even a small changes now makes a big one in the future. So how can you assume you know another person when you don't know yourself? get yourself right. and stop trying to enter a person's heart when you shouldn't. Because some gates will leads to wounds that will hurt the both party, when you tries to open it.

`i can never forget that light, of you emits

10:38 PM

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Monday, June 8, 2009

helololololololo
note: it's hello lo lo lo lo lo

i'm here to post again lerhhs.
well.
alot things happen ya.
let's talk about brant bday party.
FIRST!
ok.
happening on 30 may.
hmms.
started off with me going dover fetch lily.
and back to admiralty.
met andy and liyan at andy house first.
around 5+
den we go brant house tgt.
at there.
met all my ex sch friends.
was fun.
i was with lily all the time.
hahas.
but something bad happen.
which i don't wish to say anymore.
hmms.
den have the buffet there.
lily eat so little!
all i take for her de food
all put on my plate.
-.-
angry~
the food was okok luhhs.
only got 1 is super salty one ._.
lolol.
den after that.
at night.
birthday cake come le.
hohoho.
the most funny part.
twenyo!
the pro lighter 'man'.
with a huge flame.
chu stunt kia.
start off with photo taking session.
but all keep want to run like that.
nvm.
after that.
first kiss of brant is given to his stead.
then.
the blowing of candles.
in one breath.
brant failed 3 times.
den finally passed.
(twenyo keep light up the candle of those candles if he nvr blow all candles)
after that.
send lily to mrt.
i went back to brant house.
drink with them.
talk abt alot things.
play poker.
not bad sia my jiu liang.
maybe sometime i can train on it.
boost it.
naturally pro + training will become very pro.
haha!
after that.
stayed overnight there.
shared bed with twenyo.
while andy sleep beside me also.
but his on the floor.
NAKED SOMEMORE!
no la.
is he take out shirt.
i also dunno why.
already super cold.
he still can take out shirt.
nth to say.
lolol.
i sleep at around 4+.
till 6+.
twenyo wake up.
den i was chatting with him.
he went to toilet.
den andy come up and sleep at the bed.
when twenyo come back.
he keep play the fan.
use the fan and blow us.
(the air con was soooooo cold already)
then was lame la.
den 7+
he went out.
he going to work also.
den me and andy sleep.
den i the last to wake up.
i think.
and went with wei lun and andy to buy breakfast for all ppl.
ride bicycle.
then bought 9 chicken rice, 3 packet roti prata (total 9 rotiprata)lolol.
then we all got chicken rice to eat.roti prata only for those who went to buy breakfast.
which is the 3 of us.
cus we suddenly feel like eating.
haha!
then after that.
hiro they all say wanna play pool.
den i wanna go fetch lily and play too.
so zui hou.
went to fetch lily.
but they say very late le.
so no go play.
den we went to brant house instead.
at there.
we played with twenyo.
(actually is he come find us)
we played alot of things.
first is guess hand.
lose de drink.
(he sponsored breezer)
den he keep lose to me.
after that.
is play hit hand.
sissor paper stone
(u guys know that twenyo love this game during sec sch -.-)
after that.
is hit leg.
after that.
is hit chest.
i almost killed by him.
._.
den he also got play guess hand with lily.
but i help her drink.
of cus =)
hahas.
then we leave at 10+.
thats all i think.

next i would be talking abt 6 june de thing.
sentosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
went to celebrate liyan bday(7 june)
btw happy birthday to liyan again.
well.
first off.
meet andy, liyan and xian at andy house.
around 9+
den at 10,
went down.
found out andy nvr bring something.
wait him go up take.
den come down le.
we go up again.
why?
because of liyan's make up have something occur.
then need do again.
den done le.
go down again.
den andy forget to take money.
go up again.
wait again.
den finally back down.
and finally can go.
went to cwp.
breadtalk.
met yu hui.
den we went to cold storage to shop.
bought alot tibits.
drinks.
xian and me bought 2 breezer.
hahas.
den we went to toastbox.
with the birthday cake from breadtalk.
at there wait for yiru and teresa.
den finally they came.
and celebrate le.
was lame lols.
abit guai guai de qi fen.
hahas.
den we went to vivo by mrt.
reached there.
around 12+ le.
den walk around national geographic.
(also dunno why they go in -.-)
den finally
we go take bus go sentosa le.
we went to siloso beach
known as 'she also bitch' by our group.
there's one funny thing.
we discussed.
abt this.
we can write in our post like that.

"today, we went to she also bitch."
"the bitch is so hot."
"it makes me feel so hot."
"it's so hot that finally i lie down on the bitch."
"and enjoy the feeling."

ok although some part i came up with myself.
it's still nice.
HAHA!
that's super lame can?
cus u know why we will think dao?
cus is within me andy and xian.
andy called out for me.
and say we going to siloso beach.
den i was like "HuH??"
"did i just heard she also bitch?"
replied, who bitch? what thing bitch.
andy say, huh? u dunno where is siloso beach?
i reply, huh? what she also bitch?
andy say, siloso beach, a beach in sentosa.
i reply. OHHHHHHHHH siLOso beachhhhh. i told what she also bitch.
andy say, what she also bitch. you den bitch.
xian say, not bad she also bitch.

the conversation was something like that.
i cre8 up by myself abit.
cause can't rmb all.
then we discuss abt this while walking.
then finally found a spot at the beach.
put our things down.
tanned.
ok.
i nvr bring extra clothes.
cannot go play water.
so sad.
hahas.
ok.
in beach.
nth more to say.
everyone should know we only can do wad in beach.
sun tan.
no more.
hahas.
then we went home.
at dunno what time.
should be 4+ ba.
cant remember.
then we went to swimming complex to swim.
cus it's like me and xian nvr play dao water.
so wanna go swim.
hahas.
after that.
went to find my zha borrrr.
further details.
private confidential.
=)
jiu no more le.
think so.
anyhow write write only.
hahas.
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

`i can never forget that light, of you emits

12:31 AM

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Saturday, May 30, 2009

alright alright~
it's time to post.
it's the 70th post here now.
although i already thought of giving this blog up.
but then still want to post bahhs.
since someone is complaining in the tagbox ya? =x
hahas.
but then it's like i don't know how to crap already.
lols.
know what?
i've changed sooooo much from the past.
the day i stepped into RP.
everything changed.
but i wonder,
is this change, good or bad?
i not really very sure.
this change is putting me to a very hard to trust personality.
For my old friends.
I know u all would trust me.
Because i'm still a old lamer who is reliable.
right?
but now.
i don't even trust myself anymore.
it's more like i'm changing to a person who are not reliable anymore.
I'm a total different person.
And this type of personality.
Is a type where it is hard to get along well, get trust.
Can you get my idea?
I don't know what changes me so much.
But i know i can't go back already.
I have to stay what am i now.
and i'm tired of it.
What can i do?
I wanna become the quiet old me.
hides in one corner.
have a few best friends.
or maybe now, having my stead beside me everyday.
It's more than enough.
I don't want wad good grades or a lot of friends.
I just need her to be beside me.
And won't leave me.
I don't want her to leave me.
I want to take care of her.
Not letting her hurt.
But due to my jealous.
I made her sad a few times.
Due to my attitude change.
The trust couldn't reach the maximum.
I blame myself for becoming like this.
And now i will put in even more to retain her trust.
And pull her to my side.
and to not easily jealous.
I tried.
and keep trying.
And i wish i can do it.

ok.
enough of sad stories i guess.
saying those make me now even more sad.
I don't know why a sudden sadness struck me.
OK.
let's go back to the happy carefree go lucky guy.
Mood swing? ._.
probably.
due to some reason in the past ba.
today going to brant bday party.
Wish everything go smoothly.
YOU GOT IT?
i'm telling heaven that today would be my happy day.
so i will make sure IT don't do anything stupid.
HAHA!.
i'm talking to myself.
yet i claim to be talking to the gods.
god bless you man.
i feel like that the person which are reading this.
You want to call the mental hospital number?
sorry, i don't have.
But i'm still normal.
don't worry.
If not i dunno why i'm here posting already.
It's to make my reader happy!
but having some mental problem right now.
i guess it's not a good time to post anymore.
Stay tune!
I'll be right back.
in a few days/weeks/months time. =x
byeeeeeeeeeeeeee

`i can never forget that light, of you emits

9:19 AM

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