MY MEMORIES

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

hah.
im going emo soon again lerhhs.
listening to those emo songs.
only remind me of my ex.
5 days.
short sweet memories then.
it's short.
but there's no sadness included in it.
maybe i'm should be happy about it.
what more could i do.
i only can think of her.
nothing more.'

by the way.
she got a new stead.
congrats. and a wish for you.
wish you both could last long.

well.
as for myself.
i think i have to wish myself good luck den.
i guess love really aren't suitable for me.
i also not sure of my own feelings anymore.
will i be able to handle it?
will i be able to hold it on to the end?
i just don't know.

hmms.
as for xian.
i also don't know what i can do for him le.
our kindness are being trampled.
what more can we expect from this type of treatment.
can we be not intolerant for this?
look now.
he always say that.
his alone.
but.
when we are trying to help him.
he refused.
he closed his door against us.
i don't know what more he want from us.
during that time in chalet.
we don't let you come with us.
also for your own good.
but you are just not thinking.
now that u are no longer in drunk situation.
but you still don't understand.
did you know that.
you just said a word.
which we are hard to forgive you for that?
but we wish to forgive you.
we only need. an apologise.
is that hard?
even if you don't want.
its okay.
but.
you make it worst enough.
you actually ignored us.
what the hell you are thinking?
i really don't understand you.
are you trying to tell us.
you don't need us anymore?
you got your own friends now ya?
we are now not as important as them le.
if so.
then im really nothing more to say.
i only can say.
good luck to you.
don't come complaining to us your lonely.
don't always go emo-ing in one corner.
and expect someone to comfort you.
if your attitude continues.
thats all.

now im thinking.
human's are really just.
too confusing.
they are like. monsters.
inhumans.
why?
they can be just as cruel as they wanted.
this is what i really agree.
even if you treat others good, kind, show them your care.
it doesn't mean that, they will.
and from there.
we should learn.
should we be kind?
being a kind person.
won't bring you a good life.
look.
most good people.
are also ending up so pathetic.
then what for, at the beginning you being kind?
what is kind?
kind is when you lost advantage to give another person the advantage.
and thats when people call you kind.
being kind.
means you are always losing out.
but when you are kind.
you did not gain anything that are KIND to you.
what if.
suddenly you just die off by any circumstance.
people do funeral for you.
and you are becoming dust.
and i ask you.
what are those kind gonna help you?
it's all are just like waste.
being treated for granted.
and when you died.
what did you gain?
nothing.
is it fair?
isn't like, it's better to be evil?
and evil is when you gain advantage from other people.
you are gaining.
even when you're dead.
its still a gain for you.
at least.
you have enjoyed your own life.
for god sake.
human's are just pathetic.
we are just so foolish.
we are all played by god's hand.
there's nothing we can do.
so afterall.
what can we do.
a kind? or bad person.
i really don't know what to choose between this two.
like the past me.
im always thinking about death.
until now.
i never think that.
death is a bad choice.
it's like.
if it can be ended.
it's really good.
nothing you should be bothered about anymore.
running away?
oh come on.
humans are always running away.
don't tell me that if your a hero to all.
and when you see a blade coming to you.
you won't dodge?
and let yourself died like that?
oh yes.
if your thinking about drama.
it's true.
but if in reality.
who does.
whats the point when you died.
for your name to be craved in a stone?
holy crap?
thats totally shit.
afterall.
your still dead.
there's nothing more.
what are respect from people you get.
a few bows?
and then walk away?
what is this again.
so.
what is running away?
when someone say she/he is trying to die.
people say.
you are trying to run away.
but craps.
so what if i'm running away.
there's nothing that have meaning for myself to live.
therefore i choose death.
i couldn't find any.
everyone just have to die.
what's the difference between it.

ok.
i think i'd better stop this.
i don't think i'm making a positive impression.
and please.
not to comment on this post.
just.
treat this that i'm crapping.
that's all.

`i can never forget that light, of you emits

3:23 AM

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