MY MEMORIES

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

hello.
came to post le.
ytd took back result of O level le.
well.
badly done.
got 25 point.
well.
scored an A2 for my science.
but failed my english and humanities.
maybe cus of my english very bad.
den make my humanities also fail.
cus humanities also basically on how u express your thoughts.
but my english could maybe make the markers dont know how to understand.
im quite sad about it.
cus i got study some humanities.
wish could at least get a C5 or C6.
but den.
it came with a D7.
i guess now only ite route le bah.
with 3 subject passes.
wonder how i going to poly.
lets not talk abt it le.

before getting results.
elliott, jin, andy and andy's mum came my house meet.
den we go sch tgt at 2.
reach there.
the briefing already started.
den we sit down tgt with our class.
and den take result.
while waiting for my turn.
clement lee came.
and say.
"beng ghee, very good. i think you score A2 for science."
thats when i started to felt nervous about O level results.
i couldn't believe it.
i was so happy about it.
and he said to andy that andy didn't do up to expectation.
hong jin he dunno.
well.
when i go there.
ms ng say
"beng ghee, you passed only 3 subject."
it totally clash up with my feeling.
its totally. what the hell?
then what are my A2 for.
go to hell with it?
i thought i could at least get all pass.
and that freaking stupid english.
hong jin get all pass.
and he got my desired point. 21 point.
well.
he done the best within ourselves.
andy got 24 point.
his science got a B3.
so afterall.
my results are the worst of worst.
whats the point getting good result when the major result is all shit?
look.
it's totally same.
before N level.
my results are always so good.
but when N level.
my result are like shit.
totally not like those prelims or wad.
O level also.
thou my prelim was done badly den O level.
but the O level isnt up to expectation.
i thought i could at least score a 22 point.
and a all-pass.
but it came out this shit.
my combined humanities doesn't fail be4 in my secondary life.
but my O level failed.
totally crashed.

after getting the results.
went out with andy to go 768 cut hair.
he cut only.
den wait for alwin to come.
went to eat.
den tgt went to amk play pool.
played till around 9 15.
we went home.
andy came my house with me to get the JAE booklet.
and den both of us went over to andy's house.
stayed overnight there.
during around 11 30.
i called xian.
at phone chit chat.
talk abt course de thing.
see he want to go which course.
till 1+
andy's mum back.
she bring us out to eat supper.
as a "celebration"
well.
i guess i deserve this type of point.
cus i didnt even work hard for the O levels.
what can i expected from myself.

so.
slp around 3+
to 4+
wake up.
and cant get back to slp le.
den suddenly feel like vomitting.
whole body not feeling well.
lie on the sofa.
want slp cannot slp.
den jus lie there until 6+
andy's family all wake up le.
so i get up.
by the time not really feel like vomitting le.
just felt dizzy.
guess im too slpy but den cant get to slp.
eye abit pain.
den wash face le.
not really slpy le.
this time.
a sudden emo-ness rush up to me.
totally felt moodless.
some more saw dao xiu yan.
really dont feel like talking at all.
so i just sit on sofa.
staring into the blank space.
now still abit moodless.
but better le.
den got think abt things.

well.
look at this conversation btw me and andy before the result.
(its over 12 am so should be 12th.)

(2:14 AM) dReaMsX - i coul:
tml got wad plan
(2:14 AM) dReaMsX - i coul:
after result
(2:14 AM) -╔ AishTⓔяυ ❤ ╗:
go die
(2:14 AM) dReaMsX - i coul:
wow
(2:14 AM) -╔ AishTⓔяυ ❤ ╗:
group suicide
(2:14 AM) dReaMsX - i coul:
k
(2:14 AM) dReaMsX - i coul:
i don wan
(2:14 AM) dReaMsX - i coul:
folo
(2:14 AM) -╔ AishTⓔяυ ❤ ╗:
-.-
(2:14 AM) dReaMsX - i coul:
my life's getting better le
(2:14 AM) dReaMsX - i coul:
LOL

well.
i did mention abt my life's getting better right.
thats the main point i want to highlight.
now.
i dont really think so.
i also dunno why i said that.
come on.
my result are in a big mess.
my love are totally out of order.
i've just wasted a bunch of money that i earned.
i've lost my job. (my mum got a helper that replaced me.)
and i dont know what is the next step of my life.
can you see.
my life's aint getting anywhere better.
it's getting god damn poorer.
i have nth to say.
i really dunno what should i do.
and ytd i spend my day with all laughters.
i think my mind's got abit of problem.
i guess im going to crash soon.
im happy?
its bunch of craps.
who would know if im not showing.
im freaking sad inside.
felt like stabbing myself with a knife to release those sadness.
its trapped inside and suffocating me.
what should i really do.
i dont know..

i really dont know...

`i can never forget that light, of you emits

7:39 AM

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